Mum again

Thanks for all the comments,messages,energy and prayers. There is some light!! Yesterday Selena said " Wow, I've been up for four whole hours". Today she went to the beach with Chris for a wee outing.
I took you'al advice and made brownies tonite. Chocolate, chocolate yum! It made ME feel better. Also good to talk to my friend Sandy, couldn't do without you girl!!
Gustav is looming and we made plans to go to Houston to stay with Michael and Donna Mitchell but we are waiting till tomorrow to see which way he is heading? We won't evacuate unless we have to do so. Chris is worrying about being without electricity and with Selena's compromised imune system becoming ill soo.... I did go out to the library and stocked up, also filled up the small car with gas in readiness.
Chris got me an Ipod. Yes I now have a purple Ipod and yes I am using it. Chris put one of Alexander McColl Smith's books on it that I had not read and I am again walking with Mma. Romotswe and her #1 detective agency.
They will drag me into the electronic age protesting all the way but getting there anway.

New blogger

This video was supposed to be posted on Friday August 29. 

There was a problem with BlogSpot.

My cute hat

One of the hats Mum has made to help keep my head nice and warm.

She's become an expert at making them.

Another day of the same. In bed all day. Ate mac and cheese and watched a little Harry Potter 2 with Mum.

Sage, you should have Nana make you one of these hats. You would like it. :)

Errand Boy

(ceiling fan noise)

Saigon . . .

I'm still only in Saigon.

Everytime I think I'm gonna wake up back in the jungle.

When I was home after my first tour it was worse...

I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. When I was here I wanted

to be there. When I was there, all I could think of was getting

back into the jungle. 

(sounds of mosquitoes, motorcycles on the streets)

I'm here a week now, waiting for a mission. Getting softer. 

 Every minute I stay in this room I get softer. And every

 minute Charlie squats in the bush he gets stronger. Each

 time I looked around, the walls moved in a little tighter.

Sitar music starts to play softly at first and then louder as

 the madness grows. Gradually the music is recognizable as

 THE END by THE DOORS.

I go crazy, striking martial arts poses and break mirrors,

 break pictures and destroy vases with dead flowers. In my

 small dirty Saigon hotel room I think I am being attacked

 by the VC. I collapse.

Why was I back in Saigon?

 I wanted a mission. And for my sins they gave it to me.

 Brought it up to me like room service. It was a real choice

mission. And when it was over, I'd never want another.

                                                                                                       APOCALYPSE NOW 1979

This is what it feel like taking care of someone with cancer. It's like getting a mission, thinking you are ready and then realizing that nothing ever prepared you for it. You want to strike out against something. The cancer and the chemo that's making your wife so sick she spends all her time in bed. It eventually makes you want to spend all day in bed. Sapping every bit of energy from you. There is no striking out but the walls DO close in. Your hands DO get cut when you break the mirrors. The mission feels futile, long and you hope you can make it to Cambodia to confront Colonel Kurtz. Will I have the courage to kill him? I am being ferried up the river to Cambodia 2 click north of the Du Long bridge in the upper outer quadrant of the right breast 5 and 10 cm from nipple at 10 o'clock by a team of medical oncologists. They tell me the mission is routine. They've been to Cambodia before. They've even been to Laos. How can this be? There were treaties signed. But this is where the cancer waits. We're not even supposed to be in Cambodia, but this cancer, Colonel Kurtz is up there operating without any restraint. He must be terminated. My resolve remains strong. Even though my mind and body are weak.

I have sympathy-chemo fatigue and residual meninigitis headaches. I want to stay in bed all day with Selena too. Thank God for Mum being here because I am not much help right now. As a caregiver I would have to rate myself a zero except that I love Selena with all my heart and soul and try to do anything I can to help her feel more comfortable. This must count for something. My head drugs cloud my mind and I don't know what I am saying too much so I will close.

I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. 

That's my dream, it's my nightmare. 

Crawling, slipping along the edge of a straight razor and surviving....

I make no apologies for this entry. I am hurting and sad. Selena is feeling very bad, she has been in bed for many, many days, feels terrible, can't eat, can't watch TV, can't read, listen to a book on tape, listen to me read to her. She is a zombie. I was able to get her out of the house for 1 hour today to get to eat about 3 bites of a gyro down town at THE MEDITERRANEAN CHEF RESTAURANT. She couldn't taste it and didn't enjoy it. We parked right in front so she only had to walk a few step and it got her out into the fresh air for a little bit. She slept the rest of the day. I am sad and high.

Mum land

Hello! This is Mum, alias Donna or "D". I have jut been shown how to blog my own entry. We have all been zombies for the last five days or so. Selena received her 4th chemo and promptly
became sick and has been in zombie land ever since.
Chris has been experiencing a meningitis attack and zombies around Selena. I do my own form of off and on zombing, knitting, reading and of course eating.
Today I finally got my Texas nursing liscence. So can work here if I stay. Home is beginning to look awfully good now that I have been away sooo long. Miss my job and my friends in Florida.
So all depends upon how things go with the zombies and how work prospects are now. I keep finding more reasons to like this area.
I did get a library card and a local bank account with cheques. Now to generate something to put in it.
Selena starts a weekly chemo on Sept5 and that goes right up to Thanksgiving. We are hoping that it will not be as bad on her. Nurses at the infusion center say that it varies greatly and she may be very well or terribly sick.
I have been fascinated by the Twilight books and am listening to the newest one Breaking Dawn now. If any of you haven't tried them yet they are a "must read".
More later D

Apologies to all Republicans

The following apology from the blogness. Neither I nor Selena meant to offend any Republicans during the making of this blog.

Been a long time since I rock and rolled....

Let's all pretend that was in my VERY best impression of ROBERT PLANT. Gotta love the Led.

Yes, I my be a theatre fag, but I have been known to rock out on some LED ZEPPELIN in my youth. As in youth I mean fourth and fifth grade riding to school with my brother Patrick in the back of the 1972 Ford Pinto. No, it did not have the retro-fitted plexi-glass spacer to protect it from exploding if it was rear-ended. That was for woosies, damn-it! It did however have a KILLER 8-track deck which he used to time-out just perfectly to plat PINK FLOYD's "Pig Man, Pig Man, ahhhh shoooo whaaa deee whaaa." as we drove past the police at the bottom of the hill at Mineola High School. Patrick, you were suck a friggin rebel.

My post will NOT be good tonight because I under the influence of a class II substance known as Norco also known a Vicodin to control my severe meningitis headaches. For those of you not familiar with my statistics. I have a very rare medical condition called Mollaret's Meningitis which is excacerbated by the fact that I have a leaky blood-brain barrier. (Rare genetic defect, meybe.... 

This is nothing like the Leaky Cauldron in Harry Potty and we shall mention Harry Potter no further in the Blog. The afroementioned leaky blood-brain barrier makes it very easy for viruses to slip their sorry little selves in my spinal canel a wreak serious havoc with my brain. I have been running a fever of 101-103 since Wednseday and have not been the proper caretaker  for my dear wife. Thank God that Selena's fine example of a mother is residing within these walls to take care of her daugther lest she be left to the wolves as nothing more than carrion. Just as poor Antigone and Ismene's brothers were thus left to be devoured as carrion by the wild bird because their father Creon would not thus allow them to be buried. Little did he know that this would be his tragic down fall. (He would have known, perhaps if he had listed to the chorus shouting at him all the time. What was he, deaf?) I apologize for dramaturgical digression. Sometime an old show queen has to show off...

As stated before, I ha been in bed since Wednesday and have been no help to anyone except the bed bugs. Except we don't have bed bugs, THANK GOD, so they just have to fend for themselves soemwhere else in town. I have been narcotized to keep the pain from destroying my head. Luckily, because I take anti-virals daily, these episodes usually do not last for more that a week and I am now out of bed today. 

I cleaned my bunny world today. It tood me 8 hours instead of two because I am like an old man. (I move slowly and fart often.) The bunnies appreciate both, I think. The bunnies live in the front dining room right know because Donna-Wonna has the Bunny Room so she can have a real room to be and God Bless Michael, my brother, he bought her a real bed, so she does not have to sleep on the floor.

So enough about me being sick, I am always sick any way and that is not why you are reading this. This is not titled:

CHRIS' MOLLARET'S MENINGITIS JOURNEY

is it? NO! So let's have an update on my lovely wife Selena. First of all she looks very lovely without hair. It makes her eyes look very beautiful. Second of all, I love her because she is brave and strong and does not complain. Third of all, she drinks H2O when we tell her to, so she does not damage her bladder or get dehydrated. She is the perfect patient.

She has been FEELING LOUSY since Thursday's chemo #4. Sick, nauseated, vomiting, no appetite, lots of headaches, restless, can't sleep, unable to get comfortable ANYWHERE in the house. I wake up in the middle of the night and find her laying on her head, butt up in the air, knees on couch and arms dangilng off couch sound asleep. Other times, sound asleep, but scratching her arms like she is trying to remove an alien life for from them. Maybe she is. I hope it is not a highly evolved race and she plucks them out and kills them and starts an intergalactic war. Well, it's their fault for implanting themselves in the arms of a chemo patient, stupid space-tards.

I must for to go to sleep.

I make the apology of grammar of the badness. Drugs impair my thoughts.

As they say........                Just say no......

to republicans

What is coming

Today I found out I am cleared for Chemo #4- that's tomorrow. And there will be no break before the next kind of chemo. I start Pathlotaxal(sp?) in two weeks! This drug, course ( what is the correct term?) one will be every week and I don't have to see the Dr. every week - cool. 12 weeks of this new one. It looks like everything just moved up in schedule. I should be ready for surgery in early December. Fun times.

The doctor promised me (again) that this drug is much more easily tolerated.

It's me...

Chris has been doing a good job at stunt blogging, but I figured you should probably hear from me while I've got a burst of energy. I've been doing my best to attend the teacher in services this week and am really grateful that my soon-to-be sub (I'm taking the first two weeks off) has been at all of them. Thank you Central! Ms Hebert, my principal has been amazingly understanding and having Mrs. Boyer there to get ready for the school year has been so helpful.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr. Markowitz to make sure things are going OK and I'm ready for my last round of AC chemo. Chemo is on Thursday and Neulasta on Friday -whoo hoo. I'm glad to be almost through this part. I'm tired of being tired. There is a limit to the amount of sleep one can trick themselves into enjoying. The drugs do give me some fantastical dreams...

The ear infection and thrush are gone and the sore throat was just a one day thing, so I'm sure I'll be cleared for this next round of chemo.
Chris shaved my head the other day and there is less and less to take off... patches mostly.

I love all the comments and e-mails, please keep em coming.

150 minutes

150 minutes seems to be about the maximum amount of time Selena is able to sit through in service meetings. Monday, Aug 18 8am was a welcome back meeting in the morning and then meetings the rest of the day. We got there at 7:55am and left at about 10:30am. Everyone was very supportive and offered their prayers and/or thoughts. Central Middle School has a very kind group of teachers. I worked on her room cleaning and organizing. She was not able to find the strength to go back for the afternoon. Selena was able to make it to her oncology massage appointment in the evening. It helps her relax and helps with blood flow and muscle stiffness/pain/soreness. She came home ate a little dinner and went straight to bed. She was a tired little girl.

OUR HOUSE IN GALVESTON

IT SURVIVED

THE GREAT STORM OF 1900

Click above blue link to learn more about the worst natural disaster in the history of the United States. On September 8, 1900 a hurricane hit Galveston and completely submerged the island killing between 6000 and 10,000 people. It has made Galveston on of the most haunted cities in the country because of the untimely death of so many people. I researched our house after we bought it and proved that it had survived the storm. We have a plaque on the front of the house to commemorate this.

Selena was not feeling well at all today. I forgot to tell you that we had to take her to Family Medicine on Wednesday, Aug 13 because she has an ear infection and her thrush in her mouth has returned with a vengeance. Today, she woke up with a sore throat. I examined her (I keep tongue blades in my student doctor kit) and it does not require medical attention yet. Let's hope it is just irritation because some of the medication she has been taking to help her sleep has been causing her to breathe through her mouth more and then her throat dries out when she snores. She was much more fatigued today that usual. Mum and I think she has been pushing herself a little too hard. We stayed home today to make sure she rested all day. Steve, her brother, came from Austin at around 6pm to visit and celebrate Mum's birthday. More Tres Leches cake for all!

Apology

OK. So I realized when I woke up this morning that the purpose of this blog is not to give everyone a "What did you do today, honey?" perspective of our lives. I realize that you have limited amount of time to read and don't want to read my ramblings. When I 'Stunt Blog' from now on I will keep the posts focused on Selena and how she is feeling and dealing with cancer.

Something I have learned recently is that there is a syndrome called chemo-fatigue, which Selena has right now. What I didn't know is that it can last for years after someone finishes chemotherapy. In most studies 20% of all women that undergo high-dosage chemo-therapy for serious breast cancer such as Selena's will continue to experience the same fatigue for up to ten years after the completion of therapy. The percentage increases to almost 50% if the patient also receives radiation therapy, which she will. What this means is that the women who end up with this under-diagnosed condition have to drastically modify their life in order to cope with the decreased levels of energy. Bummer....

Apologies again for the last two long posts.

THIS WAS A REAL NICE CLAMBAKE

TRES LECHES CAKE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

THIS WAS A REAL NICE CLAMBAKE

AND WE ALL HAD A REAL GOOD TIME ~ CAROUSEL 1945

Today was Mum's Birthday. 68 years young. The plans went as we had hoped.

MORNING

Selena woke me up early and I went and filed FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) paperwork with her doctor and her school. This will help her get approved time off at the beginning of the year. We are hoping that she will only take the first two weeks off, then work 1/2 days for the next two weeks and then start full-time after that. This will mean that next week she will do the best she can with in-service. We know for sure she is not going in on Monday because it is a convocation and that just puts her around way too many people when her white blood cell count is low and this would put her at risk for infection. The rest of the in service week (Aug 18-22) she will do what she can. I plan to go up to the school and prep her room so she does not have to worry about that at all. Being an ex-stage manager I like organizing stuff so it's right up my alley.

To recap the schedule: she will take off the first two weeks with students Aug 25-29, Sept 1-5 and then try to work 1/2 days Sept 8-12 and 15-19. Let's hope and pray that this schedule works out.

AFTERNOON

We went about 25 miles off the island to Clearlake/Webster (near NASA) to Panera, the bagel and sandwich shop, and bought some bagels and had a fantastic chicken panini and chili in a sourdough bread bowl. It was really nice to get Selena and her Mum out of the house for something that was not a doctor's appointment. We also went to PETSMART and bought some bedding, litter and hay for our two bunnies Coinin and Haas.

For those of you that know that we had three bunnies, you may be asking, what happened to one of your bunnies. Did you get a hankering for some rabbit stew? No, no, no.....

Our little girl bunny Toki died two years ago of an enormous trichobezour (hairball) that she got from grooming the two boy bunnies too much. Rabbits can't regurgitate hairballs so it shut her digestion down and she went into liver failure. We were very sad because she was the most adventurous bunny of them all. She like to wander all over the house and explore and would come into the TV room in the morning and watch TV with us. She liked Matt Lauer on the TODAY show. ;) The boys bunnies really miss her.

But I digress.......

EVENING

We came home about 3pm because Selena was wiped out. She barely made it back into the house she was so tired. She went straight to bed and I went out on another errand. I went off the island again to Texas City (famous for BP Blast of 2005 and the more infamous Texas City Disaster of 1947) . It's about 15 miles away. I went to SAM'S CLUB to buy two window unit air conditioners. We have central AC but it does not work well in the living room and computer room and Selena goes from extremely cold to extremely hot. My brother Patrick very graciously gave us the money to buy the two window units. THANK YOU PATRICK!!! WE LOVE YOU! I will install those tomorrow.

I came home via TARGET (medicine for Selena) and TEXAS STAR BAKERY (Tres Leches Cake for Mum's Birthday). I got home around 7pm and waited until Selena woke up around 9pm to celebrate Mum's birthday.

The cake was delicioso! We also got her a Chinese Music Relaxation CD in honor of the Beijing Olympics. She had a very nice little party and I was glad we could share it with her.

It's almost midnight as I write this and I can hear the mosquito trucks driving by spraying the neighborhood to keep the pesky West Nile spreading creatures at bay.

Just so everyone knows I am being safe when I STUNT BLOG for Selena, I wear all safety precautions required by the Stunt Bloggers Association.

This includes:

Helmet-in case I lean back too quickly in my office chair

Eye protection-in case I type so fast that the keyboard explodes

Wrist protection-carpel tunnel syndrome, of course

Socks-don't want my feet to get cold

Towel-well, you always need a good towel, don't you

Another pass of the mosquito trucks...... Ahhh nothing says summer in Galveston like killing mosquitoes....

Time to go to bed.

We'll write again....

TOMORROW, TOMORROW

Bet you thought I was thinking of the ANNIE song. I swear to you, I was actually thinking of the awful song TOMORROW from SCARLETT - THE GONE WITH THE WIND MUSICAL. Miss Scarlett sings TOMORROW, you know like in the movie, "I'll think about that tomorrow." You have not heard bad musical theatre until you have heard the Gospel song BONNIE GONE the 'colored folks' sing on the plantation when Scarlett and Rhett's daughter Bonnie dies jumping over the fence on her pony. Ahhhh.... bad musical theatre, nothing like it.

Stunt Blogger

SELENA IN WALMART

The producers felt that tonight's blogging was too dangerous for her to take part in so they called in a stunt blogger. 

Actually, Selena asked me to blog for her. She has been pretty weak the last couple of days and wanted to make sure to keep everyone up-to-date on what is going on.

Yesterday, we did manage go to an insurance meeting at 10am to choose the health plan for the new year. The insurance for her school district is pretty good. They actually have a new service that is really nice. A primary care clinic that we can go to that we don't even pay a co-pay. Nice benefit. 

We were home by noon and then she was out the rest of the day. She is kind of like a cat. She moves from the big comfy chair to the bedroom to the couch. And then repeats this in various patterns. 

I have walked in the living room and seen her sound asleep on the couch with her face and knees pressed into the cushions and her butt sticking way up in the air! :) She stayed like the for about 30 minutes. 

She wanted to go out this evening so we went to WalMart. Thank God they have those motorized carts or she never would have been able to go out tonight.

This round of chemo has not been kind to her....

Selena forgot to mention that my brother Michael and his wife Donna came down on last Saturday, August 9. We had a really nice time with them. They are soooo much fun to be around. We had dinner, talked and then Selena was too pooped to stay up, but the rest of us play a really cool game. They stayed until around midnight. It was really nice to see them twice in the same summer. We have not been good about getting back and forth to see each other. (Thanks for coming Michael and Donna!!!!)

Tomorrow is Mum's 68th Birthday. We are going to try and make as much a day of it as we can with Selena's limited energy. We are hoping to go to Webster to a little sandwich/bagel shop called Panera and then come home and have some cake a little later. Hope Selena's up for it. She is the rate limiting step in all of our reactions right now. A little chemistry analogy just to be geeky :)

Blog you later.....

Seriously though,

Thank you to everyone that comments, Selena REALLY enjoys hearing from you.

Cruising along...

Today I made it through 3 1/2 hours of an inservice! OK, so I had to leave after 2 hours, go home and nap, then come back, but I did it! It was actually very well presented and useful so I made the effort. I only made it through 2 hours yesterday...

This round of Chemo is kicking my butt. I've had to rely a little too heavily on the anti nausea meds and actually had a few bouts of vomiting... The joys of having your body awash in drugs! I just keep reminding myself that I am being HEALED. This will pass.

Been snoozing and listening to NPR a lot lately. I can drift off and then wake up to something, rinse and repeat. I have given up on reading. I took the books back to the library 'cause chemobrain won't let me concentrate. I was really enjoying those books and will have to pick them up again and find out how they end later. Getting ready to try audio books again, the drifting off might interfere with my retention, though. I'm trying Twilight.

Sorry for the lack of blog for a couple of days, they haven't been the best of times...

Chemo scare - port style

Yesterday I went in for my 3rd chemo treatment. Showed up earlier than before so that they could get my "cocktail" ordered and sent over from the pharmacy. We waited around for a while and then got taken in to the chemo room (comfy chair land) and waited a while longer. When they went to tap my port they couldn't get blood - not a good sign! So, we moved my arm around into weird positions and stabbed me two more times and tried the arm waving again. The port was blocked. Both Mum and I panicked a bit envisioning having to do something drastic with the port. Renee (the nurse) had to send for clot busting drugs. She did warn me about the wait and the fact that they would have to thaw before usage. More waiting. I have probably ranted on enough about how I have no concentration, but, the book on tape, the regular book (both good ones!) and cable television couldn't keep me distracted enough. Finally we had thawed gunk and they shot me up. Then we had to wait some more. Got blood - and not just from where she had stabbed me three times and had wiggled it for good measure. We had semi -action. She hooked me up to some saline solution and we waited for it to flush the port's catheter. Then finally we were on the program. By the time we were released it was 2:30! We arrived at 11:05. It's supposed to take 2 hours max.



Good points: Mum went with me and we figured out how to keep the Popsicles frozen! It is a good idea to eat Popsicles during the "C" part of this chemo because it can cause mouth sores and burning - the cold keeps that from happening. Anyway, I dutifully ate and dripped and sucked on 3 Popsicles - I even got a rainbow of color drips on the blanket for them to remember me by. My guess here is that their laundry gets out much worse so I'm not such a terrible blanket ruining slob.

I'm in the middle of being summoned for all these trainings at my school. They did this last year, but I was out of town. MY SCHOOL YEAR is supposed to start on August 18!!! On the 31st we had an all day training, and I am supposed to attend one all day the 11th and 12th. Needless to say, I only made it through 2 1/2 hours of the one on the 31st and that was into the second week... These next two fall on what are going to be bad days. Mrs Hebert, My principal, is very understanding and is willing to work with me- bless her. Next work issue: I just don't see how I can teach the week immediately following my Chemo #4 (this is crummy time- I can manage 1-2 hour mini outings) So, I'm looking in to taking some time off (Family and Medical Leave Act) I know I can take a full week - that's my plan for the first week of school. Then it gets complicated because the law says I can take half days, but as a teacher, that is not so easy. I just need to have some time to build stamina. The good news: my reading kids did great last year so I will be receiving some grant money to help cover the time off.

Feeling pretty good today, and have an appointment for a Neulasta shot later. I've already gotten rid of the "red pee" - one of my chemo drugs causes you to urinate red for a while and you've got to push that stuff out so that it doesn't burn your bladder. Aren't you learning all sorts of useful, yucky things by reading this blog?

Getting smaller...

The lumps are getting smaller!!! Cindy, the Nurse Practitioner who pokes at me every 2 weeks to see if I’m ready for more chemo and tells me I’m a good girl, says they are hard to find! This is obviously a good thing AND the point of all the discomfort and drugs. The prayers, good wishes and energies sent my way can take some credit too – thank you!

I also seem to be getting a bit smaller. The scale is going down...

Today is CHEMO #3. We are officially half way through this part – the AC chemo.

We finally watched the new Hairspray film, which I really liked except that they should have cast a woman instead of John Travolta. The whole transvestite thing didn’t work- there wasn’t a context for it.

I’ve got Mum watching So You Think You Can Dance with me. Love this show! I drive Chris crazy and he can’t watch with me because I have to rewind and watch each number twice. One time to concentrate on each dancer, of course.

Eduoard Missed

Looks like we dodged the bullet. Tropical storm Edouard missed us. As of right now we are getting some good rain –which we needed- and a little wind . Funny how everything closed up around here: UTMB (the school and clinics, not the hospital), all the school districts, the city offices, the community college etc. Guess it’s not every day we get a near hit.

Went for a massage yesterday and managed to do about 2 1/2 hours of activity before I shut down. We went to Massage Envy, Fry’s, Post Office, Panera (moms got an addiction), and the gas station. I can’t believe that Fry’s doesn’t have those little scooter baskets, that place is huge.

I think my thrush is gone. I’ve been taking this DISGUSTING medicine to get rid of thrush that was caused by all the antibiotics and stuff. I am now almost free. This stuff is GLICK-EY. Now I can take it once a day instead of 4x.

I’m starting to get used to a bald head. Maybe the wigs won’t get much wear. Mum and Chris have been telling me I have a nice shaped head but they love me so I figured they probably were lying – if only a little. My massage therapist, Merry, said the same thing and now it's easier to believe it. In fact she claims that if her head looked like mine she wouldn’t bother with wigs or hats. I see lots of people who are chemo-fied and end up looking kind of downs syndromish. I’ll wear a wig rather than look like that. I did find a new (to me) birthmark on the back of my neck/head.

Mum has been extremely industrious and managed to get 20 Continuing education credits this weekend! Even better, she did them online! She is becoming computer savvy. Now she should be soon re-certified to work in Texas. The folks at UTMB’s Rebecca Sealy really want her. These days she gets the most phone calls of any of us with all her recruitment people – she’s popular! Like I said earlier, she's a one toe in the water at a time type. Now I'd venture to say she's got almost a whole foot in! Looks like she's moving to Galveston.

Personal note: Denise & Cheryl Mae: I don’t have an email address for you so I can’t respond except on this blog. I am VERY glad to hear from you. Email me selenastair@gmail.com.

Other friends and family: I don’t necessarily have your e-mail addresses, so shoot ‘em to me!

Little notes...

Chris got his hair buzzed really short in solidarity - nice sentiment. Now my Mum keeps asking me to cut her hair! I've already cut it all over twice and she still thinks parts are too long.

The breast cancer books tell you that a great secret is: to suck on Popsicles while having chemo to reduce the chance of mouth sores. We live on a tropical island. Even though I bought the kind that are sealed in plastic and wrapped them in a bunch in a cooler with some ice, by the time it came to suck, they were bags of liquid.

Self tanner is a great invention. I have now got a little more color on my scalp and look less like a new arrival at a concentration camp.

Saw a student of mine in the Walgreen's the other day and she just gaped at me - speechless. And let me tell you, she has probably never been speechless in her life!

I've had a weird thing lately where I wake up between 4 and 6 and I'm restless (heard that before?) so I'll get up go into the living room and proceed to start the day. At some point I fall asleep in my comfy chair until someone else comes in the room at about 10. I've watched/slept through a lot of morning news shows lately. New daily ritual.

Watched Nancy Drew (the newish movie) the other night. It was rather poorly written but cute just the same. I seem to have concentration problems these days, so reading or any kind of deep heavily plot driven film doesn't work. I'm back to being "fluffy" (Chris used to call me that) I think before it referred to my hair...

I hate being a sick person. I know I have to get over the guilt of asking someone to get me a glass of ice water- I just don't like feeling helpless. I am grateful that I have people who love me here to take care of me - and try to remember that it isn't for long.

Been trying to give up coffee and coke. I figure that I'm restless enough with out the caffeine. I get 1 cup a day and have been verrrry stingy with the coke. The flip side of the coin is that I am supposed to be super hydrating myself and I still don't like Gatorade. Yes, I drink water, but I'm supposed to drink a bottle of Gatorade a day - bleaccckhh. It seems a little better with ginger ale in it but all this sugar is nauseating. A little bit of coke ( from the can) has a nice tart bite! Lemonade is where I'm going now.

Healthwise: Some good hours some bad. It sucks to be me right now. If I balance the drugs out correctly I am doing all right. Since I don't like to feel stoned all the time I have had a few more bouts with nausea - Hey, pick your poison. I don't like the fact that I can't even walk down the hall of my house without hitting at least one wall - drugs! Or from the car to the doctors office and back without needing a 3 hour nap afterwards - chemo fatigue. I'm in the midst of what I'm told is the worst of it. I'll just keep pushing through. The light is there - if I squint I can see it.