Trying hard

So, the letter to the school board didn't go the way I would have liked. I was referred to the Director of HR and we met. She doesn't see the problem - "the policy is open to interpretation" -and assures me that there are positions open. YEAH right! So, I just finished writing a letter to the superintendent letting her know that I have nothing to lose and that I was hoping to give her and the board a chance to fix the problem before I went to the EEOC/ADA, lawyer and the public (newspaper and speaking publicly before the board meeting.) I will also go down there and spend the afternoon camping out - I'll annoy them into giving me a job.

Feeling physically OK. My chest is still a little sore and swollen but seems to be responding to the lymphatic massage that my therapist is doing. She also gives me exercises to strengthen and stretch. I see her twice a week for the next month. The cellulitis appears to have cleared up. I was cleaning the bunny area yesterday and made it really sore...

Didn't get cast in Virginia Woolf. The director was very complimentary to me though saying I gave a wonderful audition and could probably do the role with my eyes shut, she just went with an older couple and I should be grateful I'm still young. Nice words to hear. She hopes I'll be available to audition for the next show she directs...

I'm trying hard to stay positive. I've applied for a few jobs, some of which are over an hour's drive away. Many of them have been filled already...

This is it.

This is it. That's my new mantra. Life doesn't offer dress rehearsals - this is it. So, I have leaped in. Since I know the school board has to vote to approve any contracts. I was proactive. Since I don't want them to approve a contract for someone else in my job, I wrote a letter to the members of the school board explaining my situation and the illegal/unethical nature of what was going on. I explained that there are only two reasons why someone else would be placed in my job and they are both illegal; I have a meeting with the head of HR tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully they will do what is right -and what will keep them from being sued. I hate to have to go there, but I will.

I also went for a massage yesterday. I kept repeating my new mantra and was able to enjoy it. It is so easy to get bogged down in worrying and general ruminating. I tried my best to be totally present and was 90% successful. My therapist said that I was remarkably relaxed given the circumstances.

In the spirit of my new... spirit, I auditioned for Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf last night. I don't believe I will be cast, but I did a great audition - the director called my reading "fabu." Don't get me wrong, I could play the hell out of that role (Martha), and will some day, but I wouldn't cast me at my current weight. I just really enjoyed flexing my acting muscles... I wore a wig and makeup; I also went with 2 boobs!

I went to a Women's Cancer support group meeting on Thursday. It was intimate and nice -3 of us in all. I met a woman who is involved with the Reach for Recovery program sponsored by the American Cancer Society. Later that night she dropped off a book, a video and a mastectomy bra for me! Very kind.

My chest hurts today. I woke up with some pain and took my Ibuprofen and a Hydrocodone. It feels HARD. I wish I could do the lymphatic massage on myself - not physically possible. My next physical therapy appointment is Thursday.

Bad, bad bad....bad

I was informed that my job has been "filled." After a few days of pure depression and self pity, I am now trying to use the anger I feel to get me moving. For the first time in my life I'm contemplating legal action. Because of a series of illegal and unethical things done by my former school district I don't have a job and school starts in 3 weeks. The likelihood of finding one is not good, either. What was done to me was unethical in the least and certainly, according to the ADA which covers cancer, illegal. Any of my friends/family know an employment lawyer?

Physically, I have been responding well to the lymphatic massage done to me by the physical/occupational therapist. Otherwise this job thing has hit me hard and I'm in full bore depression. Everything aches and I wish I could just go to sleep if not forever, for a very long time. No I'm not suicidal - I would never go there - but I FEEL LIKE CRAP. I also can't seem to stop crying. If I really thought that there had been a better candidate for my job from the RIF pool I'd be lots better, but that is not possible. All of this is compounded by the fact that conflict makes me physically ill...

Breathe. This too shall pass. I am alive. I am loved. I am an excellent teacher.

Lazy Sunday...

Today has been a lazy day. Nice.

Update on my physical state: Stomach in turmoil due to antibiotics. I've gotten to the "drinking Maalox" phase. Dr. Silva asked me to finish out the antibiotics, Bactrim and Clindomyacin, which I finish tomorrow. She'll follow up with me on Friday. There is a little improvement, the site is not so hot and angry looking. It doesn't hurt so much. Dr. Silva attributes the swelling in the middle of my chest to lymphatic fluid related to the infection. She says we'll keep an eye on it and to continue the Ibuprofen, which I take every 6-8 hours. I have a physical therapy appointment on Wednesday.

I was right about the pumanologist. I don't have asthma. They said that I should come see them every year to follow up since radiation does a number on the lungs, but unless I have problems... Thank you and goodbye.

My interview with Mr. Heuman, the new principal, went well. I found it interesting that the letter and resume I spent so much time on never got to him... I gave him an extra copy I had the foresight to bring with me. I like him, and think he'll be good for the school. When I left he said that he had a couple more people to interview and would be making a decision early this week. I cannot imagine -honestly- that anyone would be better for this/my job than me, but I am nervous because ANYTHING can happen. Please send a prayer and/or good energy my way.

Chris and I had a nice anniversary. We don't exchange gifts, never have, so it was funny when he kept presenting me with little things he picked up from around the house! I got a "happy anniversary flower" he had made out of Kleenex and a toilet paper roll... Happy anniversary mustard... Happy anniversary Gatorade lid... Happy anniversary dirty underwear... One of the things I love most about him is that he can make me laugh. We were able to spend the day together and went to dinner and saw the Harry Potter movie. It was great. It was very "romantical" when as we were leaving the Olive Garden, 'cause it was raining, we just sat on the bench holding hands, talking and enjoying watching and smelling the rain. Ah, the little things.

yuck

Feeling yucky today. The antibiotics are doing a number on my stomach. Yes, I've started yogurt... Yes, I try and eat a little something before I take them.

I have noticed some more swelling in the center of my chest. It seemed to have gone down, but has now reappeared. Dr. Hatch was concerned about it when I saw her last(weeks ago) and had pressed me to ask Dr. Silva about it when I saw her next - I got distracted by the cellulitis. Since I have an appointment with Dr. Silva tomorrow I'll make sure to ask her about it. I'll bet I need another CT scan... Chris is worried that it's cancer. I refuse to go there.

I have an appointment with the new principal at Weis/Central (my school) to interview for "my job" today at 2:00. This whole process just sucks. They'd be insane to hire anybody else, but I'll jump through the hoops and put on a positive attitude. I'll let you know how it goes.

Today at 3, I have a Pulmanologist appointment to follow up on the tests I took. I'm pretty sure that it's going to be a big waste of time, but I should/will go and have him tell me I don't have asthma.

My cell phone is doing weird things. It never rang when Mr. Heuman, the principal, called; just rolled to voice mail. He just called again and it gave a burpy kind of half ring and then said I missed the call! It was sitting right in front of me on this here desk! I have re-set it, but I can't have this kind of behaviour from my palm - I depend on it too much. I have calendar, to do list, contacts, web, phone, games, I use it for a little flashlight to take my meds at night (so I don't wake Chris) Don't know what I would do without it!!! Actually, the first couple weeks after the hurricane, I had accidentally left it in my classroom so I didn't have it, but EVERYTHING was in upheaval so I guess I just dealt. One of the first things Chris did when he got back on the island was to go to Central and get it. Thank goodness, because they locked the building up with no access shortly after they did the initial damage assessment. Nothing in my room was damaged, I was on the second floor.

I went and tried on prosthetics Tuesday. Weird experience. I have to go back because my insurance has to approve the purchase and the only place close by is "out of network." I'll describe my adventures for you later.

Marginally better in body and spirit

I like my grey hair. I had Chris buy me some dye on the day I got out of the hospital and have yet to use it. You see, it is in my medical records, in the notes, that Chris is my son. Amusing, the first couple of times. He has had other medical students ask him how his mother is. Now, he is only 5 years younger, so it's not possible. Also, at the height(really, low) of my treatment I looked about 60 - but still.

I applied for my job today. That was fun. You may remember that there was a Reduction In Force in my district and I was "impacted." Since my school was closed (thank you hurricane Ike) there is only one Theatre arts job and there were two of us sharing a room. Luckily Brandon has since taken a job elsewhere. The Director of Fine Arts says he wants to keep me... I guess I should put in some other applications at other local districts to hedge my bets.

I feel a bit better. I don't see much improvement in the appearance of my chest, but it hurts less and I'm not feeling so wiped out. I actually went out and ran a few errands today!

Home

I was released from the hospital Monday evening with an oral antibiotic! My IV site in my hand stopped working and they were unable to start a new one. Believe me they tried! My hand has been swollen and throbbing all week from where the IV blew my vein out. My chest is not really improving...

Today I went to the doctor and they are not seeing much improvement so they are starting me on an additional antibiotic. I haven't done much whining on here(or at all), but I am feeling very "beat down" today. I did a little crying in the doctor's office... There are so many good things in my life, I should get over myself.

One of those good things: Chris. We will have been married 15 years on the 18th. It seems like such a short time AND forever all at once.

Still in hospital

Chris got me wired up so I can log on here at the hospital - yay!

Doctors have agreed that I'm starting to respond to the antibiotic. In fact, they are increasing the dose today. We are starting to see some improvement.

I got real food this morning! Up till now, I was incorrectly marked down as a diabetic heart patient, so I got gross stuff with no spice or sauce. Who eats dry pasta with no spices, butter or sauce??? Styrofoam may actually taste better. This morning (yay) my eggs had onions and peppers in them AND I was given salt and sugar packets! Didn't even need the salt or sugar... Yummmm, actual food with food flavor!!!

Starting to get restless and needing some exercise, even if is just a walk. I'm trying to do some stretching... My room isn't big enough for much walking.

My IV, which has been in since Thursday is starting to itch. I am actually impressed that I made it so far, since I have allergy to adhesive (tape) and there really is no alternative in securing an IV. Today they will try to change it out and put new tape. I hope that it helps 'cause I could claw my arm off right now it itches so much.

Mum Notes

Hi! Mum here. Just spoke with Selena and she is in the hospital receiving IV antibiotics for at least two days. UTMB Medical Center pod 7D. The cellulitis was spreading and looked like a big bear clawed/smacked her on the chest. Hope and pray this takes care of it as she has had sooo much and is ready to be on her feet again.

Cellulitis Fun!

This past weekend I developed a bright red splotch over my mastectomy/radiation site. This looks like a sunburn or that I just got smacked. Saw Dr. Silva on Monday and she did a blood test to make sure I don't have problems with my white blood cell count. She said it was definitely cellulitis. She put me back on antibiotics and I will be seeing her again tomorrow to follow up. I don't appear to be getting better. It may, in fact,be spreading. We marked me today with a sharpie to see. Chris thinks she may admit me when I see her tomorrow... I hope not.

Looks like the Fiddler thing is not going to happen... Oh well.

Lori, Ashley and Emily are here. It is nice to have them here -they are good company. They are tearing out drywall. We're paying them to do it instead of someone else. The idea is that they can spend a little more on their upcoming NY vacation.